When David Archuleta became an overnight American Idol sensation at age 17, he also became a default "ambassador," like it or not, for the Church of Latter-day Saints, in which he had been raised his entire life. So, when he made the high-profile decision to come out as LGBTQ+, and eventually leave the church, at age 30 — after years of trying to come to terms with his sexuality and, like many closeted LDS kids, even considering taking his own life — he feared a public backlash to the bombshell announcement. But he was even more concerned about how his devout mother might react.
Much to Archuleta's surprise and relief, his mother, Lupe Marie Batholomew, told him, "I don't want to be somewhere that my children don't feel they're accepted and loved. So, if you're going to Hell, we're all going to Hell with you." In a show of solidarity, she even chose to leave the Mormon faith as well. That experience inspired Archuleta's brand-new, gospel-tinged anthem, "Hell Together," in which he croons, "If I have to live without you/I don't wanna live forever/In someone else's Heaven/So let 'em close the gates."
While much of the response from Archuleta's fans, friends, and peers to "Hell Together" — and to his coming-out journey in general — has been positive, the singer admits to Music Times that "a lot of people [in the Mormon community] have been upset with my song coming out. But you know what? I'm just telling my story about what my mom said to me. I'm not teaching doctrine here! ... Even though I've said I've left the church, people still look at me as this ambassador for the church that I grew up in. I'm trying to make a point that that's not my responsibility anymore. I'm a different person now. ... It's not my job to represent the church. I already said I walked away from it. And they're like, 'Well, then stop talking about it!' But how can I not talk about something that was a part of my life?"
Three years after coming out, Archuleta still "can't shut up" about his truth. And he won't shut up — because, as he notes, "I was never told to be quiet about what I believe," plus he knows his story might help others in the church who are struggling. "That's why I say if this [song] is causing a bit of a stir, so be it, because I think it needs to happen," he asserts. "If I can make it visible and if I take a bunch of blows for it, then I'm totally fine. I'm prepared for it and it's fine, if it saves someone's life because they feel like they can exist and they can be seen. ... I think this song is helping create that space, and I'm glad."
David's forthcoming, sure-to-be-page-turning memoir will delve even deeper in the life stories that he is currently telling through song, but in the meantime, the recent GLAAD Media Award winner and Queerty Award nominee candidly speaks with Music Times about "Hell Together"; the current Archuleta family dynamic; and how he's finally living his truth, living his best life, and experiencing the adolescent freedom he never got to enjoy before. And for you fans of American Idol's famous David-vs.-David season, there's even a cute Idol in-joke. Hell yes!
I love the new song "Hell Together." I love the story behind it. What was the initial conversation with your mother that inspired it?
DAVID ARCHULETA: I announced that I was stepping away from the church... after being a very public figure in the church, which is why I felt it was [important] to let people know. People were still associating with me and looking up to me, which is why it was such a big shock, including to my family and to my mom. I didn't hear from her for a few days, so I thought, "Oh, she must be really upset." But then when she texted me back finally, she said, "Hey, I've decided to step away from the church as well," which was totally unexpected. My mom was very devout. She was very faithful, even when I was not going to church anymore. If I was visiting Utah at her home on Sunday, she'd be like, "Hey, do you want to come to church with us?" But it got to a point where I just said, "Mom, I'm just going to stay home." And so for her, for that to be the first thing she says after I've announced it, I was just like, what? And that's when she said, "I don't want to be somewhere that my children don't feel they're accepted and loved. So, if you're going to Hell, we're all going to Hell with you." I thought that was really sweet.
The Mormons, Latter-day Saints, they're trying to go through a "rebranding," so there's not necessarily a Hell in the sense that most Christian religions look at it. It's not like this place of burning and fire. It's just kind of like tiers: There's a higher glory of Heaven, a middle glory of heaven, and then a lower glory of heaven. And they're all supposedly good, but you're not at the top one...
That kind of sounds like VIP sections at a concert.
Yeah, like you're still able to enjoy the concert, but one of them is in the very tip-top of the stadium, the other one's in the midsection, and then the other one's up front-row-center. So, it's different experiences, and it's actually very much like that [concert analogy], because the VIP sections can go up and visit the people in the back, but the people in the back can't come up and visit the people in the front. They don't have access. And that's very much how the Heaven is that Latter-day Saints believe, so there's still a separation of family. So, a lot of people have been upset with my song coming out. But you know what? I'm just telling my story about what my mom said to me. I'm not teaching doctrine here! I'm not teaching church doctrine to everybody. I was inspired because what my mom told me touched me, and that's literally what she said. So, I wrote a song about it.
I'm curious about the rest of your family. Obviously you come from a religious family in general, and obviously they were grappling with the idea that you were leaving the church. And now your mother, the matriarch of the family, is doing the same. How did they react to her making such a bold move?
I feel like everyone just was surprised as well, but in a pleasant way, I guess. I think we were all just like, "Is Mom OK? We don't want her to do anything irrational. We know this is really important to her." We just wanted to make sure she was really doing something that she felt was right for her as well. And now looking back, it really was a positive thing for her in her life, just like it was for each of us as we each decided to step away from the church. Because at this point, no one in my family practices the religion anymore.
You mentioned that you've had mixed reactions to "Hell Together" — some, I assume, quite positive, but then other people have been angry about it. Can you tell me about both sides? What arguments are you getting as a reaction to the song?
I was actually thinking about making a response on a TikTok, so I could just clarify to people. I was literally thinking about it this morning just to kind of be like, "Hey, I know there are mixed opinions, but I'm telling my story." This is part of the point that I'm trying to make to people — that even though I've said I've left the church, people still look at me as this ambassador for the church that I grew up in. I'm trying to make a point that that's not my responsibility anymore. I'm a different person now. I'm just talking about the changes that I have that I've grown. This is my personal experience I'm talking about. I had never had a drink of alcohol before. This is what a drink of one cup of coffee does to me. And I used to wear the undergarments before and now I don't. And it feels weird sometimes, but these are things that are so normal for everyone else, but it wasn't for me. And a lot of people in the church that I grew up in, they're like, "How dare you talk about this in such a disrespectful way!" And I'm like, "Well, why do you feel like it's disrespectful? This is my life I'm talking about, and you're peering into my life." I think they feel like, "You're misrepresenting what we all believe in the church." It's not my job to represent the church. I already said I walked away from it. And they're like, "Well, then, stop talking about it!" But how can I not talk about something that was a part of my life?
I was working on my book this morning and talking to the editor I've been working with, and she was like, "It's like someone saying you can't talk about your ex after a divorce. You've been married to them for 30 years and now you can't talk about them anymore. It doesn't really make sense. It was such a big part of your life, but it also affects who you're becoming now." But if it's shaking the conversation up, especially in Utah... I was looking at the numbers of my new song and the biggest percentage of where people are listening to it is in Salt Lake City, by a huge margin, and then all these other places within Utah. And I know it's causing a lot of conversation. I wasn't expecting it to have that much of a conversation, but so be it. That's what needs to happen, because this is a conversation that everyone has avoided having. I made a point about it on my Instagram where someone was like, "Why can't you just leave, and leave quietly?" Just basically saying, "Shut up and don't talk about it anymore." But I was told all my life to talk about it. I can't just shut off. I was told I need to always talk about what I'm going through and what I believe. And just because what I believe has changed doesn't mean that I shut off. I was never told to be quiet about what I believe, and that's what Mormons taught me. So, it's really: "Be quiet if the majority of us don't like what you're saying."
But it's like, the LGBT experience is a minority, but it affects a certain percentage of the population. I think there are more out there that would [like to] feel comfortable opening up about it, because it's still not safe to open up about it. There are a lot of people, whether they're gay, whether they're bisexual, whether they're pansexual, who don't have a space to talk about that, because everyone's like, "Just shut up, because we want to keep our heteronormative view of things." I can't shut up about it, because you're not going to listen to anyone else who's in your own church buildings going through this, and they don't feel safe to talk about it, to be vulnerable, to share their experience, because you don't make it a safe space for them if you just dismiss them. Even if they have the courage to [talk about it], they're dismissed. That's why I say if this is causing a bit of a stir, so be it, because I think it needs to happen. And if I can make it visible and if I take a bunch of blows for it, then I'm totally fine. I'm prepared for it and it's fine, if it saves someone's life because they feel like they can exist and they can be seen. I think we all just want to be seen and understood, and for other people to understand us. So, I think this song is helping create that space, and I'm glad.
It's interesting that because you were such a public figure, you were thought of as an "ambassador" for the Mormon church. Do you now feel a responsibility be an ambassador of sorts for people who've left the church?
I guess that's unintentionally happened. I didn't have the strategy of this is why I'm releasing this song. It was just like, my mom said this to me it really touched me, I want to write a song about it, and let's go from there.
How did she react to "Hell Together"?
We had had a heavy conversation, before I showed it to her, about family. I was actually trying to understand a little bit more about our family history for the book I'm writing. And she was so worn-out about it. She was like, "I'm just used to moving on. I don't really like to think about things that happened in the past." And I'm like, "This is still affecting all of your kids! Things that you've been able to move on, your kids haven't been able to." And that was really hard for her. And then after that heavy conversation I had her over for dinner, and I was like, "Hey, Mom, remember when you sent this text to me? I wanted to show this song to you." I think she was just so drained that she wasn't fully there to really comprehend what the song was saying. She was just like, "Yeah, it sounds good."
That's it?
Yeah. And I'm like, "Wait, wait, remember when you said this to me? I wrote it off of that!" She's like, "Oh, OK." [laughs] But now that she's been able to sit with it and look at the lyrics, I've seen her posts and she was like, "I've been in tears playing this song for hours on repeat. This is so touching for me."
Is this song, or your coming-out journey in general, drumming up any trauma your mother has suppressed about her own life?
I don't know. I feel like my experience is different from my mom's, so I don't know. I feel like she is processing a lot. She talks about it in her social media posts. She says, "I'm reconstructing what faith is for me," what Jesus means for her and all these things. And I feel like I've deconstructed a lot more about religion. I've separated myself a lot more from religion than she even has. So, I guess it's different for both of us, but she is still trying to make sense of it. She's trying to find her sense of community. But what's so interesting is my mom has connected with people so much more now that she has left her religion than when she was in it. ... I think it was just always hard for us to personally connect with people on a human level at church. ... Once she was able to leave and find herself again and who she was without having to put up this front of, "I'm a good member of the church, I read my scriptures every day, I pray, I go to church, I say hi to the other brothers and sisters there, check if they need anything, and then I go home" — and then she's drained and exhausted — I think she's able to connect with people by truly being herself.
It seems like you're living your best life right now. I follow you on social media. I see how you've had this glow-up, always in some fabulous outfit, attending all these cool events, winning awards.
It's really fun. I feel like I relate to what I was saying about my mom, like it's OK to be myself. I didn't know what that was exactly. So, now it's time for me, instead of, "Am I behaving in a way that will get approval from my church leaders?" or "Am I behaving in a way that get approval from my dad, or from my parents in general?" I was always looking for approval from other people to be OK. Now I can try a more flashy outfit and not be like, "Oh, but that's not modest!" I used to think that way: "That's immodest" or "That's not appropriate." Or, "If I say this, then I'm not being the example that I was told I'm supposed to be." Things like that. I can just be whoever the hell I want to be.
You were on American Idol when it was one of the biggest shows on TV. Was that hard for you — being in the public eye and adored by all these Archies, but you didn't actually like yourself? How did you deal with that, then and now?
Yeah, I think that's the biggest thing. It was hard for me to enjoy an experience when you don't know yourself and you don't like yourself. Everything else could be happening around you externally, but when you're not OK inside, it's hard to process everything. It's hard to enjoy everything because even if there are good things happening to you, you don't feel like you deserve them. That was a really hard thing for me to get through, for that very reason. And a lot of the people around me... a lot of people referred to just my dad [Jeff Archuleta, who was David's manager], but there were other people externally during that time that try to make sure that you stay in a way that you don't like yourself, so that you're easier to be whatever they want you to be. I feel now I'm in a place where I'm so used to being told what to do, it's hard for me to be OK being the one calling the shots and deciding who I'm going to be. It's very uncomfortable, but it's also very freeing experience. It's hard to be OK with making mistakes, and it's a lot to process, but it's also a beautiful time. I feel like it's a time where I can really, truly grow.
The next song I'm releasing does deal with a lot of the internal struggle of being OK with yourself after. [coming out] Sometimes I'm like, 'Oh, 'Hell Together' is such a triumphant song; do I want to release this next song that's more vulnerable and not as triumphant?" I wrote it before "Hell Together," so I was in a slightly different place as well. But I do want to release it just as Mental Health Awareness is coming up in a couple months. I write about the whole process and trying to figure myself out and learning how to be OK with yourself and feeling like you deserve love and feeling like you deserve to be happy. That's what this next song talks about — how it's difficult to accept that sometimes. It's just another thing that I just want to get out. I like the song and I want people to hear it.
I can't wait to hear it, and to read your memoir when it comes out next year. I am sure your book will cover a lot of your time on American Idol. It was an interesting era, because no one was really out on Idol then. Now now we have openly gay contestants. We've had a trans contestant on this current season. Have you ever thought about how that experience on Idol would've been different, either better or worse, if you'd been living your truth at that time?
I haven't thought about it, because for me, that was the truth I knew at the time. I wasn't aware of my sexuality the way I am now. I was still young. I grew up very religious. And at the time, even then, it wasn't talked about. Prop 8 was going on. My church was very vocal about being not supporting Prop 8, not supporting gay marriage in California. It was just a very different dynamic for the whole topic, and that's just the time I grew up in, so that's the time I lived. I guess I would be a completely different person if I was being raised in my teenage years right now. But I just have no idea what it would be like.
Have you ever wished you came out sooner? Maybe you were still figuring it out and you came out at the right time for you in the end, but now that you're living such a wonderful life and seem really happy, do you ever think, "Man, I should have done this five years earlier," or anything like that?
Sometimes I think, "Oh, man, I could have had that experience with other people around me at the same time," experiencing the growth that everyone goes through in high school, junior high, college — this time of life where you're just exploring and discovering yourself and discovering other people and what life has to offer. But I mean, that's what I'm doing now! I feel like it's a little delayed, so it's not with my peers necessarily, but in that sense I feel like it keeps me young. It's kind of weird: When I was younger, I felt older than I am now, because I was a lot more dutiful. I was a lot more disciplined. I was just about business and work. It wasn't about having fun. And now I'm kind of backtracking. I can have fun, and it's OK to have fun, and I'm enjoying it and discovering myself. I just feel like it's slightly different in order.
You still look so young, not that different from your Idol years, even if you're 33 now.
A lot of people that I'm meeting, they'll think I'm in my twenties, and that helps me enjoy without people being like, "Wait, why are you here having fun? Why are you out here on the dance floor? Why are you here at the festival? You're too old to be here!" [laughs] People don't say that, so I'm glad that I can just blend in. I'm just there to have a good time and enjoy and experience this for my first time, just like a lot of other people are. People on the dance floor and at festivals are of all ages too, but it's just nice to be partying hard and people aren't like, "Wow, that old guy's being weird over there!" Or maybe they are, and they just haven't said it! [laughs]
I'm sure not, but who cares if they do?
Right. I'm having the time of my life, as David Cook said famously.
This Q&A has been edited for brevity and clarity. Watch David Archuleta's full video conversation with Music Times in the split-screen video above.
If you or someone you know is considering suicide, please contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline by dialing 988, text "STRENGTH" to the Crisis Text Line at 741741 or go to 988lifeline.org.
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