Wednesday was TV Theme Night on The Masked Singer, with the judges all cosplaying as the cast of Gilligan's Island. And probably the only show more preposterous than the Gilligan's premise is this one. As hard it may be to imagine that Ginger the movie star would pack several trunks of bespoke Hollywood evening gowns for a three-hour tour, or that the Professor could build transistor radios out of coconut shells but couldn't figure out how to patch up a leaky boat, it's even weirder to see a member of a famous political family dressed up like the royal Sir Lion, crooning Sinatra.
But that's exactly what happened this week — and it was must-see TV, of course.
Sir Lion — that's Sir Lion to you, not to be confused with commoner Rumer "Lion" Willis from The Masked Singer Season 1 — was the first Wild Card of Season 11, crashing the Group C bracket's TV party along with some special small-screen guests like Heidi and Spencer Pratt, former Love Boat child star Jill "Vicki" Whelan, and a Great Dane who bore a great resemblance to Scooby-Doo. But while Sir Lion came in roaring like, well, a lion, wearing what host Nick Cannon declared one of the best costumes in Masked Singer history, he left like a lamb. His one-episode-and-done run ended after he lost his Smackdown against the Lizard.
(Side note: Lizard and Sir Lion's Smackdown battle song was "The Theme from The Masked Singer." I'm pretty sure that's not the title Pete Townshend had in mind when he wrote the Who's "Who Are You" back in 1978, but here we are.)
The judges could tell that Sir Lion, though he showcased some surprisingly decent singing chops, was a television host or news anchor based on his clues, and they guessed Anderson Cooper, Ryan Seacrest, Andy Cohen, or Seth Meyers. But had they paid closer attention to Sir Lion's lines about being from a "well-known pride" but "never taking it for granted," or especially that part about suffering a "hard fall" in Hollywood but eventually "landing on his feet," they would've figured out that this big cat was Billy Bush.
The nephew of President George H. W. Bush, cousin of President George W. Bush and Florida governor Jeb Bush, and a veteran entertainment correspondent, Billy became embroiled in controversy in 2016 when an old Access Hollywood recording of an off-color conversation between him and Donald Trump surfaced during the presidential election; that scandal led to Billy being fired from The Today Show, but Billy eventually landed a new gig on Extra.
And now, this ringleader has a side-hustle on The Masked Singer. "If you've never done something that's a little on the scary side... just say yes and do it!" Billy exclaimed after his reveal. "I had a ball."
With Sir Lion no longer the mane event, that left all three regular Group C mystery singers still in the running. Who are they, as Roger Daltrey might ask? Let's assess and guess...
The Clock, "Good Times"
"Is this a record?" judge Jenny McCarthy-Wahlberg marveled. Yep, that's how good this Good Times cover sounded. Robin Thicke (a man who knows a thing or two about TV songs, because his parents composed the hit themes for Diff'rent Strokes and The Facts of Life) said Clock's voice sent "chills up his spine" and "came from the heavens... that was a church clock!"
The clues: She's had her "fair share of ups and downs," but her "positive outlook has carried her from season to season." Her marriages (plural) didn't work out, but they resulted in two "beautiful children." And she's a had a lot of hits. Visual clues included a map of the Mississippi River, a piggy bank (because she "used to be broke"), and a car motor (possibly a Detroit reference). Last week, she said she once "had the whole world dancing from dusk till dawn," but after music trends shifted, she "reinvented" herself and achieved "massive success again" on her own terms. She has also mentioned performing for a president (maybe one of Sir Lion's relatives?) and that she has a "day in her name." Last week we also saw a disco ball, baby doll, and golden globe.
Judges' guesses: Thelma Houston, Stephanie Mills, Debbie Allen, Diana Ross, and Janet Jackson (those last two were Ken Jeong's roundly booed guesses, of course). Whoever the Clock is, as Jenny put it, she's definitely "a legend, an icon."
My guess: Last week I'd totally clocked the Clock as Bette Midler — and so had everyone live-tweeting the show, if you look up the hashtag #ClockMask. Many early clues did point to Bette, but most importantly, the Clock sounded (and still sounds) exactly like her. This week, however, when we learned the Clock's multiple marriages and two kids, that ruled out Bette, who's been married to artist Martin von Haselberg since 1984 (and has only one child with him). The family clues also ruled out my backup guess, Liza Minnelli, because while Liza has been married four times, she is not a mom. OK, so it's not the Divine Miss M or Liza with a Z.
Twitter/X and new judge Rita Ora are now guessing this is Thelma Houston, and that tracks. Thelma is a Mississippi native, a former Motown artist, a mother of two, and a disco diva who became a TV star. Plus, she has performed on the Golden Globes and Jan. 24 was declared Thelma Houston Day in West Hollywood this year. (Don't leave me this way, Masked Singer! Tell me I'm right!)
Poodle Moth, "Unwritten"
I was disappointed that of all the television theme songs the Poodle Moth could have spread her wings to, she chose this Natasha "Pepper" Bedingfield aughts hit that was borrowed by MTV's The Hills. It felt a bit like cheating. However, with her sultry, smoky, breathy vocals, this furry flying creature can cover just about anything. "A lot of people can get on this stage and sing beautifully, but you connect with our hearts," Jenny told Poodle Moth.
The clues: It "hasn't always been easy" for the shy Poodle Moth to "put herself out there," especially since she was "raised to know that sometimes the one you love most can leave without so much as a letter." She went on to explain that when her father abandoned her, he left "a whole in my heart that can never be filled." She even wrote her deadbeat dad letters, but they were returned. Eventually she wrote a letter to herself that simply said, "You are enough." Other clues this week included comedy/tragedy theater masks, an antique phone, and a "very special connection to Gilmore Girls that hits very close to home." We also saw more light clues — a lighthouse, fireflies — that continued the theme of last week's paper lanterns, lampposts, and candles. Other previous Poodle Moth clues have included a cowboy hat, a book with an American flag on its cover, the Grand Old Opry (where Poodle Moth has performed), and a backstory about how she once thought she wasn't "funny, pretty, or talented enough to be a star."
Judges' guesses: Melissa McCarthy, Lauren Graham, and Connie Britton.
My guess: I am going to stick with my guess of country singer, author, and self-declared drama queen Wynonna Judd. The Poodle Moth sounds like Wynonna; in a 2023 interview I did with her, she opened up about feeling awkward and inadequate in her pre-fame teen years; and she has a song called "I Saw the Light." Her biological father also left her when she was an infant, and her mom Naomi's second husband, whom Wynonna thought was her bio-dad for many years, also left when Wynonna was a little girl. There's also a famous Judds-referencing Gilmore Girls scene and meme that has been circulating for years. And, finally, Wynonna has been known to rock some very poodly hair!
Lizard, "Scooby-Doo, Where Are You?" "That is the smooooothest lizard I have ever, ever heard," Rita cooed, while Robin said this vibey performance was "more like Swaggy-Do." This reptile has some dogg in him.
The clues: He loved drawing cartoons as a kid and was even offered a dream animation job at a studio run by "The Mouse," but he decided to pursue a music career instead. A "dog helped him reach a new audience," and eventually he became "one of the most recognizable reptiles on the planet." We also saw cowboy boots, a can of gasoline, a wall of clocks, and a Lizard-branded action figure. Last week, he talked about having a reputation for being a "bad boy," but he's actually a doting family man. Other previous clues have included a sports car, a Perez Hilton-like gossip website, a Christmas ornament, a heart-shaped lollipop, the word "Billboard," and a crab (which was Bobby Brown's character on The Masked Singer Season 5).
Judges' guesses: Michael Bivins, Ray J, and Sisqó.
My guess: Sorry to be gross, but I'll eat my thong if this isn't Y2K pop sensation Sisqó. And to borrow a phrase from Scooby-Doo, he wouldn't have gotten away with it if it weren't for those meddling kids, because this one is obvious. At 5"4', the former Dru Hill singer fits the little Lizard suit. He has two kids with his wife Elizabeth, who he's been with for 20 years. He released the children's book Sisqo's Perfect Christmas. He has a single called "How Many Licks?" along with many other Billboard hits. He starred in Snow Dogs. He competed on VH1's Gone Country alongside Bobby Brown. He has his own collectible doll. The biggest tipoff is this Baltimore Sun article in which Sisqó claims Disney courted him and offered to send him to an animators' trade school. Plus, he also has three albums with "Dragon" in the title... and a dragon is just a giant lizard, right?
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