Pearl Jam wasn't the first band to send out yearly Christmas exclusives to its fan club. The Beatles had jumped on that train nearly 30 years earlier. The difference of course is that Pearl Jam's fans could expect some new musical recordings, covers if nothing else, while the biggest band in history took the yearly task of crafting a Christmas album about as seriously as Stephen Colbert takes investigative reporting. The results tended to be a mess...occasionally a curious mess, but a mess nonetheless. Music Times has waded through the seven Beatles Christmas flexi-discs and made a modest attempt at ranking them.
07) The Beatles' Third Christmas Record (1965)
Oh God where to start. Previous renditions at least opened with a Christmas chestnut but this year the group started with an out-of-tune a cappella version of "Yesterday," which had been a hit single during the year. Originals include "Merry Christmas to Ya List'Nas" (John Lennon mocking an Irish brogue) and the halfway-decent "Christmas Comes But Once A Year." The guys briefly attempt to jump into "It's The Same Old Song" by the Four Tops (the band's attempt at pointing out the Christmas record tradition was ridiculous) before stopping to avoid copyright issues.
06) The Beatles' Christmas Record (1963)
This version at least struggled because it was the band's first attempt at creating a Christmas record for the fans. The ad-lib approach to handling the microphone indicates that this was more the idea of press rep Tony Barrow than their own. The band opens with a mock-up of "Good King Wenceslas" before Lennon delivers a summary of the band's year, Paul McCartney requests fans stop sending them "Jelly Babies" candies and Ringo attempts to speak before being drowned out by his bandmates, in typical fashion.
05) Christmas Time Is Here Again! (1967)
Christmas Time Is Here Again! is the first of the series to take a more professional approach to recording but at the same time finds the band experimenting with psychedelic elements whilst crafting a bizarre sketch show...that's only vaguely about Christmas (in the form of the titular song). It travels between a gothic horror approach to auditioning with the BBC, a rock 'n' roll television program, a Price Is Right contest show and a "Theatre Hour" segment, all while a studio audience claps. A bad trip.
04) The Beatles' 1968 Christmas Record (1968)
Perhaps inspired by friendly rivals The Beach Boys' 1967 record Smiley Smile, The Beatles really trip the light fantastic during its penultimate Christmas record. Parts of non-holiday fodder such as "Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da," "Birthday" and "Yer Blues" get cut up and sped up by disc jockey Kenny Everett and rearranged with original poetry read by Lennon. McCartney snarks with his original "Happy Christmas, Happy New Year." The highlight, and the closest thing to a non-mashup on the seven minute compilation, is when famed ukulele player Tiny Tim performs covers the band's "Nowhere Man" with his trademark falsetto. At least it's a play on The Christmas Carol.
03) The Beatles' Fourth Christmas Record-Pantomime: Everywhere It's Christmas (1966)
This was the first time that the band decided to do something other than huddle around a microphone in the recording studio, although they certainly didn't do anything natural. Scenes from a crowded Christmas party are interspersed with the band singing the original "Everywhere It's Christmas." This records earns favor for featuring a brief sketch starring the characters Jasper and his bear Podgy, both of whom draft a strategy on how to remember their grocery list before heading to the store (Christmasy? No. Humorous? Yes). McCartney also ends with the humorous carol "Please Don't Bring Your Banjo Back."
02) Another Beatles Christmas Record (1964)
This hails back to the days of the band crammed in a studio reading prepared messages from Barrow, but the fun they poke at the subject makes it all the more enjoyable. Lennon takes the most pleasure in flat-out admitting the fans that the band's hokey statements were written beforehand, and apparently handwritten based on the group's inability to make out the words (the difference between "making them" and "melting them" is profound). Lennon knows what he's doing however, making sure to note when he's flipping to page two.
01) The Beatles' Seventh Christmas Record: Happy Christmas 1969 (1969)
We had a number of psychedelic Christmas records that bordered between experimental and bizarre but by the time of the final 1969 installment, The Beatles as a band were on their last legs and apparently couldn't bother to meet for work on the annual Christmas record. The end of the band was a sad time for music but it worked out just fine for this record. Yoko Ono peppers John Lennon with questions about Christmas and architecture for the most part (He'd like Corn Flakes blessed by a Hare Krishna mantra as his ideal Christmas breakfast) and Paul sings a short Christmas original as always. George Harrison barely shows up at all, getting two lines, which get remixed for posterity. Ringo Starr is the ultimate highlight however. The phrase "Merry Christmas" is repeated until it fades into Starr repeating The Magic Christian, a film he was starring in at the time. Left on the recording is the drummer stating to the producer that it "was just a plug for the film. Try to keep it in."
