The newest viral thing to come across our desks recently has been the video for Catey Shaw's "Brooklyn Girls," a hip-pop single featuring loaded stereotypes about hipster chicks and how swell they are, sung while a compilation of Brooklyn scenes plays in the back. The fact that Shaw is a transplant from Virginia Beach makes her the perfect example of how ignorant the general understanding of the borough is, both from outsiders and even those who live within the friendly confines of Williamsburg.
Brooklyn is a collection of neighborhoods that all feature loyal citizens that will live their entire lives there. But the truth is that if you drop the average recent college-graduate into the nation's most populous suburb, they will be terrified. This ain't Kansas and these five performers have songs to prove it to those who think they can just gentrify whatever the hell they want.
Watch the offending video here and read on.
05) "Mystery Mail" by Cass McCombs (2011)
Plenty of entries in this list are going to touch on the drug trade that a) has been blown completely out of proportion by a number of the borough's rappers and b) was still legitimate enough that it made Brooklyn a scary place to live during the '80's-'90's. McCombs is not a hustling rapper, but his ode to a murdered friend "Mystery Mail" describes how he grew up cooking crack with his buddy. "I hope this finds you well/to no avail/You tipped the scale/ now I'll see you in Hell" opens the track, setting the mood accordingly. Admittedly, most of this song doesn't focus on Brooklyn as the cause of the narrator's problems, aside from a reference to "Indian Road" where he was arrested. Still, drugs result in bad things.
04) "Drones Over Bklyn" by El-P (2012)
El-P is a rapper from Brooklyn, but his style of horror veers far from the drug-dealing-induced crime drama of his fellows in the borough. Rather, he has a history of focusing on more paranoid, conspiracy-theory oriented hip-hop, in this case a futuristic society where the government moderates the activity of the poor via military drones over Brooklyn. El's tight, spastic beats add to his lesson in paranoia along with such warnings as "you better stay aloof when the troops move." He only falls further back on this list because this sort of thing is a long way away...or is it? Reports of drones near Harlem and JFK airport were rampant last year as the NYPD flirts with the idea of bringing in its own unmanned surveillance ships.
03) "Return of The Crooklyn Dodgers" by Crooklyn Dodgers '95 (1995)
Spike Lee loves Brooklyn and hip-hop culture to death but he wasn't cool with the gang banging occurring on his home turf during the '90s. When he was drawing up the soundtrack for his film Clockers, he reformed a new version of The Crooklyn Dodgers, a hip-hop supergroup that rapped for his '94 film Crooklyn. The '95 version featured emcees Chubb Rock, Jeru The Damaja and O.C., all of whom agreed with Lee's politics. The trio laments the borough's fall from grace during their respective verses, as Chubb talks of Vietnam vets returning and turning to drugs, Jeru alleging that police are getting paid to look the other way, and O.C. commenting on the advancements in weaponry only making the streets more dangerous. This was a huge public service announcement at the time for those who didn't see truth in the lyrics of more hustle-centric performers.
02) "Williamsburg Will Oldham Horror" by Jeffrey Lewis (2005)
Jeffrey Lewis is a rarity in that he grasps the potential strife awaiting wannabe hipsters moving to Brooklyn among the optimistic potential. The plot starts simply: Lewis believes that he sees indie icon Will Oldham on the subway but struggles to approach him. As he battles himself, he questions the worthwhileness of his career as a small-time musician, whether he should prostrate himself before his idol, and soon he begins to hallucinate, feel ill and even contemplate suicide as he realizes the futility of his work. The story gets out of control when "Oldham" smashes his face and drags him into a subway tunnel with horrifying intentions. Either way, the rapidly spoken folk track illuminates that artists moving to Brooklyn will have more than the pressure of paying rent to deal with.
01) "Brooklyn's Finest" by Jay Z (feat. Notorious B.I.G.) (1996)
No one, and absolutely no one, details the seedy side of Brooklyn like Biggie. It just so happens that the legendary emcee teamed up with a young Jay Z to lay out the most terrifying lyrical bloodbath associated with the borough. Among the threats made: "shoot your daughter in the calf muscle" (Biggie), "the f--k back with them pistols blazon', hot like Cajun" (Jay), "Here comes the Grim Reaper, Frank Wright." Again, we note that the life of a drug dealer in a hip-hop single is probably more violent than in real life. But we don't have the backbone to call out Jay or B.I.G. on their claims, so it's just gonna sit for now. This is the kind of thing that puts your parents off of hip-hop for life, and it's amazing gentrification happens at all after hearing it.
