David Archuleta Opens Up About Suicidal Thoughts in New Memoir

David Archuleta is sharing one of the most painful chapters of his life in his upcoming memoir, "Devout: Losing My Faith to Find Myself," revealing that he once searched for places to end his life while struggling to reconcile his sexuality with his Mormon faith.

The book is set for release on February 17. The former "American Idol" runner-up, now 35, writes that he felt trapped in what he described as a "constant internal war."

In an excerpt published ahead of the book's release, Archuleta explains that he would go on short drives, quietly looking for a place where he could crash his car without harming anyone else, TMZ reported.

"When I found a decent spot, I thought, 'Should I just do it now?'" he wrote. He said the only thing that stopped him was not fear of dying, but fear of surviving.

"If I survived but broke my back, I might be paralyzed, and then it'd be impossible to try again. I'd have to existwith my thoughts for decades without being able to do anything about them."

David Archuleta Shares Emotional Prayer

Archuleta said he felt abandoned by God and believed his same-sex attraction meant he had failed spiritually.

"I was almost willing to give my life up because I was so devoted to what I believed," he shared in a recent interview.

According to US Magazine, for years, he tried to change himself. He went on a mission, confessed his feelings, sought therapy, and even became engaged three times. Nothing worked.

The turning point, he writes, came after a prayer in his living room. He asked God to take away his attraction to men.

Instead, he says he felt a clear message in his heart telling him to stop asking.

According to Archuleta, the message was that he was "wrong to think that being gay was a mistake."

He said he felt he was being given permission "to start dating men, something I never thought would be OK."

Archuleta publicly came out as queer in 2021 and later left the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

Looking back, he says he is thankful to still be here. "I had to learn how to not be ashamed," he said. "I'm just grateful to be alive and to see what I can do with my life while I'm here. It really feels like starting again."

Tags

Suicide, Memoir