It was revealed this week that Michael Jackson had once hoped to take on the role of Jar Jar Binks in Star Wars: The Phantom Menace, which would have put the greatest pop star of all time on the cast list as one of the most reviled film characters of all time. Fortunately, it didn't happen: Jackson wanted to do the part in prosthetics, similar to the "Thriller" video, while creator George Lucas wanted to go with CGI for the character. Jackson may not have been a total failure on-camera—the aforementioned music video is still among the most influential, and best, in history-but that doesn't save him from a largely disastrous career in film. Jackson rarely graced Hollywood productions...but when he did, they tended to be awful. Check out these four films that featured the King of Pop.
The Wiz (1978)
Jackson's film career was relatively limited, so unfortunately we have to throw in The Wiz with the rest of this mess to fill space. Let us be clear: The Wiz is an amazing musical, and an amazing film, and we in no way wish to affiliate it with the other films you'll read about in a few minutes. It was Jackson's first film role, starring alongside fellow Motown standout Diana Ross in the urban adaptation of The Wizard of Oz. Granted, not everyone shares your correspondent's enthusiasm for the film, however most critics agreed that Jackson's role as The Scarecrow was among the highlights. Younger generations will recall a Jacko that took an almost tough-guy approach to pop fame in his later years as a performer, starting with the hoodlum imagery of "Bad" and continuing to the rather fascist-style statue that appeared on the cover of HIStory. You wouldn't have guessed that attitude existed by watching Jackson as the trepidatious Scarecrow. The characters mixture of stutters and awkward leg movements may have appeared haphazard, but it took someone with Jackson's choreography skills to sync such movements on cue.
Michael Jackson's Ghosts (1997)
It would be nearly 20 years before Jackson made another appearance in film, although he would of course put out a number of theatric music videos and also star in Disneyworld's "Captain E.O." ride. When he came back to the film world for Ghosts...one might assume he had an agenda. For context, this was a few years after he was first alleged to have committed sexual abuse with minors. The short film features Jackson as "The Maestro," a quirky character who lives in a quirky mansion (like Jackson) who entertains local children with magic tricks. The parents of the town catch wind of this and, led by the mayor (also played by Jackson), demand that The Maestro get out of town (it should be noted the local children oppose this decision). The mayor is noted by critics to resemble Thomas Sneddon, the district attorney who brought the molestation charges against Jackson. The "hidden meanings" within the plot don't exactly require an award-winning author to write...oh wait. Stephen King totally helped write this. At least the special effects are cool, even if they were a decade behind Beetlejuice.
Men In Black II (2002)
This film is most offensive to your correspondent, although that's entirely because of how it paled in comparison to the original Men In Black film, and not because of Jackson's role within. In fact...Jacko didn't really do anything wrong. His cameo as "Agent M," essentially as himself, was a clever joke and allusion to Jackson's perceived otherworldliness, and we have to give him kudos for taking part in the joke. At the same time, appearing in Men In Black II isn't exactly a high-point in anyone's film career. Good try, but no cigar.
Miss Cast Away and The Island Girls (2004)
This film isn't quite as absurd as it sounds...well, it is, but at least it was created with nothing but comedic intentions. A plane full of beauty pageant contestants crash lands on an island with no other human population (providing the bikini-clad stars many D-movies require), where they must protect themselves from a massive pig ("Jurassic Pork") and deal with a group of apes who are trying to launch their own version of Noah's Ark for some reason. How does Jackson play into this madness? The Vatican is trying to manipulate the castaways for its own ends, and it sends Jacko (playing the cleverly-titled "Agent M.J.") to do so. Not the actual Jackson however...just a hologram version of himself projected by an R2D2 clone. That last plot point might seem like just another absurdity, but it may have been necessary. We're not sure how director Bryan Michael Stoller booked Jackson for the film, but we do know that he shot all of his scenes at his home, Neverland, which would have required it be edited into the actual live action on screen. So why not just make his character holographic? No word on whether this served as an influence for Cirque de Soleil's series of Jackson-themed shows, which include a hologram of the late performer.
