Billie Eilish Admits She's 'Never Been A Happy Person' As She Suffers From Debilitating Depression

Billie Eilish has consistently been known for her candidness when it comes to expressing her emotions and inner thoughts.

As she gears up for the release of her highly anticipated album, "Hit Me Hard and Soft," Eilish has delved even deeper into how her personal experiences and feelings influence the music she creates. 

Billie Eilish Was Never a 'Happy Person'

Speaking to Rolling Stone in an interview, the Academy Award-winning songwriter confessed that she suffered from debilitating depression, noting that she once wrote in her journal that she knows she's "lucky" but she is "unhappy."

"It was just realer than it's ever been before," she confessed. "My whole life, I've never been a happy person, really. I've been a joyous person, but not a happy person. I experience joy and laughter and I can find fun in things, but I'm a depressed person."

When she received awards for her Grammy-winning song "What Was I Made For?" earlier this year and in 2023, Eilish confessed that she wrote the song when she was at a low point in her life. Apparently, that emotion carried over when she was writing the songs for her new album.

"I've suffered with a lot of depression my whole life," she expounded. "When things happen in my soul, or whatever, the thing I've always held on to is, 'Well, it'll pass. It'll come in waves and it'll get worse and it'll get better.' And that's always brought me comfort. And this time, I literally was like, 'I don't care. I don't even want it to get better.'"

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Billie Eilish Reflects How She's Not Living Life As A Celebrity

At the tender age of 18, Eilish swept the 2020 Grammy Awards by winning all the awards in the four major categories - Best New Artist, Album of the Year, Song of the Year, and Record of the Year.

In the same interview, Eilish talked about how her celebrity status has hindered her opening up and experiencing life more.

"I hit a turning point," she told Rolling Stone. "I had this moment of like, 'Oh, my God, I haven't had fun in seven years.' Truly. I had this illusion that I had, because who experiences going to the Grammys at basically 17 and winning five? But in life, I realized I had really not experienced that much. I didn't go outside for five years. How was I supposed to have any experiences?"

Although Elish has many friends in the music industry, she admits that she's "afraid" of people and of the world.

"It's just scary for somebody like me, and even if it's not scary, it means being on and being vulnerable and being seen and being filmed and whatever. But with that all in mind, I have been choosing to do the thing that scares me more. I am biting the bullet and existing in the world for once."

Eilish will release her new album, Hit Me Hard and Soft, on May 17, 2024.

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